


Talk You From The Ledge

by thisislegit



Category: Lupin III
Genre: Character Study, F/M, Hurt, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mild Comfort, Multi, Self-Destructive Tendencies, Suicidal Thoughts, ask to tag, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-27
Updated: 2020-11-27
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:55:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27747094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisislegit/pseuds/thisislegit
Summary: The clean up was messy, and there were a lot of pain killers taken by the time Lupin woke up in a twin sized bed cradled into the corner of the room."Not again," he'd said closing his eyes. "Please not again."He wasn't aware Jigen was in the room, not at his bedside but standing on the opposite wall with his arm in a sling. Jigen thought Lupin was having a nightmare. Maybe remembering some other trouble they'd gotten into before and reliving it but worse. Then he remembered Lupin didn't dream and clipped the information in the back of his mind for later. He'd figure it out later. He'd put it together later Jigen promised himself.
Relationships: Arsène Lupin III/Mine Fujiko, Ishikawa Goemon XIII/Jigen Daisuke, Jigen Daisuke/Arsène Lupin III
Comments: 6
Kudos: 69





	Talk You From The Ledge

**Author's Note:**

> un-beta'd

"She's gonna kill me one day. She's gonna kill me and not even know til it's too late."

Lupin had said the words with such conviction that Jigen had to look up from his lighter. He wasn't sure what to be more concerned about, the sight of Fujiko speeding away on a boat with their loot leaving the two to dry off on the sandy shore, or the smile on Lupin's face. Jigen gave up on his lighter, the salt water soaked bit of plastic a lost cause and got onto his feet. He helped Lupin up a moment later and it was as if a switch flipped. That grimly determined smile foretelling an end Jigen didn't want to think about was replaced by his regular easy going grin as Lupin went into a spiel for their next target.

Jigen should've known then that the first time they'd met Fujiko combined with that first betrayal had set something off in Lupin. Something dangerous. Something familiar that Jigen couldn't quite connect to what until he had enough evidence to give it a proper name. So, that's what he did. He waited. He watched.

As time progressed, Lupin's heists got greedier. Bigger. Flashier. Jigen recalled the first time Lupin sent a proper calling card like it was yesterday. Lupin had pulled him aside showing him this ugly looking peanut character with eyes and asked him what he thought of it. Jigen told him it looked annoying as hell, and Lupin grinned before signing his name with a flourish at the bottom.

Funny enough, at first people didn't take the calling cards seriously. At least until they found their precious jewelry or priceless artifact missing the next day. Once the calling card became consistent, the danger on their jobs increased as a result. More cops. More bodyguards. Hitmen, assassins, and a myriad of old acquaintances and exes Jigen hadn't thought about in years would make an appearance to stop him. To kill them. To kill Lupin. Some of them bettered their skills since Jigen last saw them, while others who'd grown comfortable in their current level of practice were shocked when Jigen managed to out gun them. Sometimes without any extra effort. It would've been a humbling experience to know he'd outgrown some of the people he'd idolized and others he used to fear. Unfortunately, this wasn't the case. All he could think about with every encounter was Lupin. Lupin who'd gone from flirting with danger to not actively seeking it out, but stripping down to nothing and asking it to take him however it wanted.

With the increase of cops came the increase of the goal. A few million was nothing. They were in the hundred millions now. Ancient artifacts that'd get them banned from the country for so much as breathing on them were turned into cup holders and ash trays. Paintings so important that they only showed replicas in museums were snatched to hang in hideouts that had a penchant for attaining mold when left unattended for too long. Things like gold, gems, and cash took a backseat for their jobs unless the reputation a ring or a fancy necklace bore outweighed their previous scores in fortune.

Fujiko had grown closer to Lupin in this time, and at first Jigen blamed her. He thought this was all her influence. Lupin's theatrics growing to a crescendo to impress her, woo her, get her into his bed and make her never want to leave. It was why Jigen was so distant with her. Bitter he was called. Jealous she'd uttered penchantly when he left the dining room one evening. It's not as though she was helping her case either. This job made it nigh impossible to trust people, but no matter how many times she broke Lupin's trust he always let her come back. She had to be responsible for his growing bravado and deadly desire for risks somehow.

Such thoughts were dashed one night they had a close call. It was Fujiko's fault. She'd sold them out like usual meaning Lupin would have to pull a miracle for them to escape alive. It would've been a familiar set-up, but it wasn't. Lupin wasn't infallible as much as he'd like to make everyone else believe he was. There was a lot of blood at the time. Jigen didn't think they'd get back to the car. Not together they couldn't. It was the first time Fujiko had actually come back to get them, something she'd never attempted previously, that gave Jigen second thoughts. The clean up was messy, and there were a lot of pain killers taken by the time Lupin woke up in a twin sized bed cradled into the corner of the room.

"Not again," he'd said closing his eyes. "Please not again."

He wasn't aware Jigen was in the room, not at his bedside but standing on the opposite wall with his arm in a sling. Jigen thought Lupin was having a nightmare. Maybe remembering some other trouble they'd gotten into before and reliving it but worse. Then he remembered Lupin didn't dream and clipped the information in the back of his mind for later. He'd figure it out later. He'd put it together later Jigen promised himself.

From then on there was a shift between Fujiko and Lupin. Jigen noticed it immediately no matter how slow Fujiko tapped the brakes. She was still tricking them, trying to steal from them at the last minute, selling them out to the highest bidder and so on, but the threat level never escalated higher than the incident where they'd both almost died. She never left them in a scenario where they couldn't get out somehow no matter what ridiculous method needed to be employed. If they did so happen to be caught in such a situation, she ended up being trapped with them. Three heads were better than two, and as much as Jigen hated to admit it, her and Lupin's minds were more attuned to strategy than his was. This wasn't to say she was smarter than him, she just looked at a puzzle differently than he would and that's it.

What was most odd about this change in dynamic was Lupin's response to it. He'd gone from animated, interested and too sharp around the edges to... bored. Sure, he was still hamming it up for Fujiko. It's not like the excitement between them had gone away, but whatever made his engine rev on full speed for any chance at her smoothed out to a gentle cruise. It was almost like he was acting, playing the role he thought she'd seen and been attracted to instead of being himself. Maybe Fujiko noticed, and maybe she didn't but Jigen noticed. And he hated that he noticed it.

Their exchanges rang out as more plastic. Best he could compare it to was like being forced to eat more and more of the exact same steak only for the flavor to turn bland and your tongue to curl in disgust at the sight of beef for the rest of your life. He tried to make sense of it. Sometimes the pieces would come together forming an image that Jigen would recoil from. It couldn't be that. He must've been imagining things. Maybe projecting from his old traumas to construct such an idea. It was all he could do to reason with himself until Goemon came into the picture.

Goemon was an interesting character to say the least. Jigen wasn't scared of the guy who carried a sword and could hack anything he wanted in half like it was nothing. However, Jigen was scared of Lupin's response to the swordsman. They both knew Goemon's job was to kill him, and although they'd leapt off that boundary into a nameless alternative, Lupin still sought out to press buttons when he didn't need to. Goemon had a lot of pride in his skills and everyone knew it. It's not like he made it hard to tell. Jigen was sure the youngest of their group stole the wandering samurai walk from every old movie he could get his hands on, and the worst part about it is he made it look good. No, the good looking thing wasn't the worst part about it. The real worst part about it was how they never heard the man walk into the room. He'd scared the shit out of Jigen on more than one occasion with just appearing right behind him. Sure Jigen could do the same thing, but he knew when to turn it off. Too many knives thrown in one's direction from a sleep deprived Lupin would do that to anyone. Yet, Goemon wasn't anyone.

The man didn't tolerate having his buttons pushed, and Lupin took great fun out of slapping said buttons like a mad scientist. In the beginning, Goemon rose to the bait. Their fights remained verbal, but they'd turn into shouting matches. Jigen lost his favorite couch in one of said shouting matches. He must've been sulking about the loss more obviously than he knew because around the same time it'd been replaced the fights came to a complete halt. The two still bickered, and Goemon didn't hide his distaste for some of Lupin's snarky comments but Lupin didn't push nearly as hard as he had been in the beginning.

Hell, it wasn't until Jigen was lounging on the replacement couch trying to get the cushions mashed like he liked them when he offered a muttered thank you to Lupin for replacing the thing. Lupin told him with a straight face that he didn't buy any replacement. It didn't take much to put two and two together when Jigen replied with a roll of his shoulders that he'd have to thank Goemon when they saw each other next. Lupin's thin lips curled into a half smile, not responding as he went into the office to finish drawing up another plan.

From that conversation on, suddenly Jigen was spending a lot more time with Goemon on and off jobs. Jigen didn't go seeking him out at first, and neither did Goemon seek Jigen out. All of their encounters were arranged by Lupin. There was a stakeout that required two sets of eyes. He only had enough money for two hotel rooms and refused to share his in case Fujiko dropped by. Whether it was leaving them in the latest hideout on standby or offering a sudden holiday only to vanish himself, Jigen was forced to get to know Goemon on a business and eventually a personal basis. It's not like he minded. Goemon was a nice enough guy. Plus having someone on his side when he thought Fujiko was up to something felt good.

It was weird watching a man who wore traditional clothes and carried a sword around like it was the 16th century hand your ass to you in video games, but Jigen supposed they'd done weirder things and met stranger people so it became normal. What wasn't normal was Lupin distancing himself from Jigen in conjunction with the quality time with Goemon. He wanted to say he didn't notice, and that it didn't bother him but that would be a lie. He'd known Lupin for a long time, so these long periods of absence hurt more than he'd admit. He suppose he'd become pricklier as a result, leaning onto his time with Goemon more than he should. How much he'd leaned didn't register until Goemon kissed him one evening. They were drinking. Not drunk, but buzzed heading towards tipsy when Goemon tugged him forward by his tie and made his stomach lurch when their lips met. A part of Jigen wanted it. Another part of him sent off warning signals preventing him from wrapping his arms around Goemon's shoulders when two calloused hands found their way home on his hips.

Jigen pulled away panting before they could get any further. Kissing Goemon felt good, but it also felt wrong. It felt coerced somehow.

"Jigen?"

And damn if the yearning look on Goemon's face didn't make him want to pretend everything was okay, but Jigen couldn't. "Don't you feel like this was forced? Planned?"

Goemon started to pull back, and the last thing Jigen wanted was for his co-worker, his friend to get the wrong idea. So Jigen held onto Goemon's arms to keep him there. He needed to organize his thoughts. Put the pieces together. But the heavy weight of Goemon's hands resting on his hips was distracting.

"Haven't you noticed? Lupin he's, he's all over the place. Not like he usually is, not like he used to be." Jigen looked down when Goemon pressed their foreheads together. "It's been building up for so long. You probably wouldn't be able to tell. I don't know if I can tell half the time, but it's something bad."

"You're scared for him." Goemon's voice was calm and even. It was one of the many things he appreciated about the other man.

"Terrified." Jigen realized the image he'd tried to shuffle to the back of his mind for what was going on had returned with a vengeance, and he was shaking at the thought. "He never used to leave me alone for this long, especially not with someone else. The only time that'd happen was when I was on a job away from him. Now he's doing everything he can to make sure you and I have alone time, and before that with Fujiko he'd… I think he knew we would, this would-" he managed to gesture between them.

"You don't want to do this?"

"I want to. God I want to, but I need to figure out what's going on with him first. I think if I just take this, he'll do something, he'll do whatever he's been planning for so long and that'll be-" the final nail in the coffin his mind finished.

"Do you want me to wait?"

Jigen knew Goemon would if he asked, and if that didn't make things so much harder. Giving Goemon's hands a squeeze Jigen said, "If I miss you, I miss you, but don't think I didn't want this, that I didn't want you."

Goemon gave him a sad smile as if he understood and their night ended with another soft kiss. Jigen couldn't think wistfully on that night as much as he wanted to because Lupin was sour with him the following month. They'd fought a few times, with Jigen asking Lupin what his problem was but Lupin would always derail the topic or get tight lipped about it. The gunman hated having more evidence of Lupin's shenanigans. He must've been pushing Jigen and Goemon together and got angry at Jigen when his plan failed to bear fruit.

"It's like you don't even want to be happy!" Lupin had yelled when they were fighting about who had to go to the liquor store.

"I'm happy here with you." The words left Jigen's mouth as easily as they would for literally any other conversation, but the weight of them managed to shut Lupin up for the rest of the day.

From there their heists got more dangerous. There were more close calls. More than Jigen would ever find himself comfortable with. Fujiko was turning down more jobs with them than she used to. Goemon left with new experiences but more injuries meaning the amount of time they didn’t see him grew longer and longer since he had to heal from them properly. Just like in the beginning only Jigen was there at Lupin's side for every theft, and the mad lust for something Jigen didn't want to name returned to Lupin's eyes.

He'd spent so long ignoring it, trying to pretend it wasn't there, that it wasn't until he was pulling a shotgun shell out of his own leg that he'd had enough.

"I can't keep doing this Lupin." Jigen's hand was shaking as he closed another suture, the pain medicine finally kicking in. "I know where you're trying to go with all this and I can't follow you there. I won't."

Lupin sat in the chair beside him dazed on pain killers as he thought on what Jigen said. He looked out of it partially slumped over the arm of the seat, his shirt sitting half off revealing a row of stitches along his shoulder that matched the ones Jigen was sewing on himself. What he said next made Jigen's heart freeze in his chest.

"I don't want you to go with me Jigen. I'll make sure you don't. I just don't want to be alone when it happens."

Jigen bit the inside of his cheek to keep his lip from trembling. "Is that why with Fujiko, and then with Goemon." Jigen stopped. It was as though the words didn't want to leave his mouth. Didn't want to make his fears more real and confirm them, but he needed to know how serious this was. He needed to know how long it'd been going on to fester and if there was anything he could do to stop it. To curb it. "Was I like them? Did you see me that way when you…" Was Jigen supposed to be a means to an end like Fujiko and Goemon were?

"No. Jigen, I-," the whites of Lupin's eyes started to turn pink and he closed them.

It was a long time before Lupin finished his sentence. Jigen had finished the stitches and the wrappings and even managed a shower for them both by the time he'd gotten them both into bed. It was a tight fit with two grown men, but Lupin wasn't very built, and Jigen could fall asleep in any position.

"I'm so tired," Lupin whispered to the darkness.

Jigen feigned sleep keeping his breath steady as he listened for more.

"I can't keep doing this forever."

Jigen held back the urge to tell Lupin to retire. Go into hiding for a while and meld with some community until the uttering of Lupin III makes people think it was a legend or that he'd finally died somewhere.

"But I'm too scared to do it myself."

Jigen waited to hear more, but Lupin's breath evened out leaving him alone there with his thoughts.

They'd dropped off the radar for a while after that job. Fujiko tried reeling Lupin in with her usual faire only for him to suggest Jigen tag along instead. Something in his gut told him that'd be the worst thing he could do, so as per their usual encounters he either politely declined or threw up a whole stink about it until she left with an angry comment and a concerned look at Lupin. Jigen felt a little better knowing that she might be on the same page as he was because she didn't stop her attempts, sporadic as they were. Jigen knew better than to get involved with them and take her side unless he deemed the score interesting on his own. Sometimes she'd almost hook Lupin, but any excitement was dashed when he inevitably turned the job down claiming that he was on holiday or he was already working on something else and didn't have time to waste.

"You really liked her idea. Why don't you go with her?" Lupin asked one evening as they smoked on a balcony of a studio apartment.

"If I gotta go through a bunch of bullshit only to get a 20% cut I'd rather not do it by myself," he'd answered.

"Goemon?"

Jigen shrugged. "Body guarding another pretty girl in India." Or in Bermuda, or in Sweden, or in New Zealand, the location changed every time he’d answered the question.

"New girlfriend again? He's going through them pretty fast isn't he?" Lupin exhaled a plume of smoke from his lips.

Jigen let the conversation fade while the sun set between dilapidated buildings and the market below them closed for the night.

It was a year, three months, and 17 days after Lupin confessed to him in the dark of that cramped log cabin in Australia when the thief sent another calling card for another heist.

Jigen didn't ignore the warning bells in his mind when he saw what Lupin wanted to steal and who he wanted to steal it from. Lupin wanted just the two of them to do the job, and Jigen called Goemon about it immediately. To say Lupin was cross when he saw the swordsman at their door would be the understatement of the century. He was more pissed when Fujiko arrived the very next day asking what she could do to help and demanding a 60% share due to the danger she'd be putting herself in.

Lupin had to rearrange the entire infiltration plan because of those two, and he was obnoxiously loud about it taking it out on Jigen when the others would leave to run an errand or something similar.

"We could've handled this by ourselves," Lupin sniped.

Jigen said nothing as he finished putting his gun together and set it back into his holster.

"It would've been fine. I had everything down to the letter and now we're both taking smaller cuts."

"Mmhm." Jigen stood walking over to Lupin who was marking in pen the new routes everyone would have to take.

"This is your fault you know! You couldn't keep your mouth shut. What's wrong? You don't think we could pull it off? The original plan was perfect, and now here I am making all these unnecessary adjustments."

Jigen raised a hand and firmly placed it on the map smearing some of the ink in the process. He leveled a look at Lupin and asked, "If it was so perfect why was my only job driving the getaway car."

Lupin glared down at the pen in his hands. They both knew it wasn't a question that needed an answer. Jigen knew when he saw the first plan that Lupin was omitting information about their target. He got confirmation when he saw the new blueprints of the building and all the threats that were mysteriously not on the first map he'd seen of the place. Lupin had wanted to go out big. Alone. Pretend something had happened that neither of them could predict so Jigen wouldn't feel guilty about it, and the thought of that made him sick. He wouldn't lose Lupin like that. Not through a lie.

"I want to help you, but I can't do nothing if you don't let me."

Jigen held his gaze, a frown on his lips and his forearm shaking a bit. Lupin looked away first and something caught in Jigen’s throat.

“Okay...okay,” Lupin acquiesced.

Jigen didn’t let himself relax, but he did move his hand off the map. The job was in two days and he was trying to keep himself from hovering over Lupin while taking the verbal abuse in stride. It wasn’t actual verbal abuse. Just complaining and being annoying which was a part of Lupin’s regular behavior, so he was able to deter Goemon from making a rebuttal with a look when Lupin got too excited.

Although the plan had changed significantly since the first draft, Jigen was still relayed to get-away car duty with the addition of lookout. If the cops came early he had enough ammunition in the passenger seat to knock out a few tanks and give everyone time to get to the van. The ammunition could also be used to blow up the gates and drive through to get them if need be, but for some reason Jigen felt nervous. It wasn’t the usual sense of nervousness he got when he thought of all the ways a job could be botched either. No, he felt something was off. A gut feeling. The radios they were using were new, and Jigen checked on all three of his partners at the intervals that’d be safest for their location.

Lupin would respond just as peppy as ever. Fujiko teased him. Goemon was more subdued simply updating him on how far he’d progressed and end the transmission. Things seemed to be going well. Too well. He checked his watch. This would be a good time to call someone and see their progress. Without hesitating he called Lupin only to hear static. His heart lurched into his chest, but he swallowed it down. It might be a bad signal. He called Fujiko. There was the same static. He knew they were in the same location, so he shouldn’t think the worst. In a few minutes they’d be in a different hallway. He remembered the blueprint. Thought about Lupin’s plan. They should be snatching the treasure right about now. A golden bracelet said to be crafted for the goddess Persephone by Hades that was blended with an alloy from a meteorite. 

Persephone who pretty much visited the realm of the dead at her leisure. Jigen sat up in his seat. Persephone who was the embodiment of spring and fertility being enamored and in love with a man who managed death.

_ "She's gonna kill me one day. She's gonna kill me and not even know til it's too late." _

Jigen snatched up the radio trying to contact Lupin only to get static again. They should’ve been out of any areas that give interference. He tried Fujiko only to get no answer. He was almost hyper-ventilating now. Had Lupin planned this? Did he know Jigen would call Goemon and Fujiko to help? That was probably why Lupin didn’t send them away and instead chose to make a fuss as if it were a mild inconvenience. He tried contacting Goemon and thanked every deity when the message was clear.

“Jigen, I am not in the best spot.”

“Get Lupin.”

“What?”

“I can’t reach him or Fujiko. The plans gone to shit. I know he set this up so he can- just, just get over there and-!”

“Ji……....can’t…..gen…..I….” The radio in his hand died.

He’d bought new batteries for this thing. Why was it dead? Why did it die!? Flipping open the back he saw the old TV remote batteries sitting in the place where the new ones were supposed to be. Lupin. Jigen wanted so badly to be angry, but all he could do was sit there in shock. What could he do? Numb, he checked his watch. If he tried barreling through the front gates now, they’d have to leave without Goemon. Jigen stared at all the ammunition in the passenger seat and then back at the tall stone wall on the driver’s side. On the chance he was panicking due to paranoia and barreled through the wall anyway, he’d ruin the entire plan and get them all caught.

Looking around the back of the van he spotted something silver and shiny on the shag carpeting. Fujiko’s cellphone. He didn’t have to think. He made a dive for it and started taking it apart. He’d seen Lupin do this thousands of times. There was still a charge. There were wires. All he had to do was make a circuit between the positives and negatives to get his radio working. He shocked his fingers a few times, but with a bit of foil from some gum in his pocket he finally got a signal.

“Jigen! Jigen!” It was Goemon’s voice. There was also the distinct sound of bullets flying in the background.

“Where are you? Where’s Lupin?”

Fujiko’s voice came next sounding out of breath and panicked, “Back door on the right. We’re in the main ventilation room.”

He turned on the engine as the blaring of sirens drifted in his peripherals. They were still far away enough. He’d make it. It was harder convincing himself when he swerved through hedges and by trees to get to where he remembered the ventilation room on the blueprint. Jigen remembered the conversation he had with Lupin about the importance of photographic memory and it’s uses.

_ “What’s the point of memorizin’ all this when I got you to do it?” _

_ Lupin poked Jigen’s cheek with a pout and said, “What if I’m not there? I worry about you Jigen-chan.” _

Jigen waved him off, but he did pay more attention to where he was going and what he was looking at. Knowing a building layout helped him in more cases than it hurt him, and he hadn’t registered he’d made it to the right location until a gust of cool air carrying the scent of copper hit the backs of his arms.

The doors slammed shut, and Jigen kept a lead foot on the gas pedal with the keen of sirens getting further and further away. A glance in the rearview mirror showed a headcount of three. Goemon looked awful. Fujiko looked crest-fallen. Lupin…

“Is he breathing?” Jigen felt like he was watching himself instead of being himself waiting for an answer.

“Yes.” Fujiko pressed her hand harder against Lupin’s side. “Yes, he is.”

“Goemon, get out your phone.”

Goemon managed to get his smartphone out of his hakama and wiped the blood from the screen onto the carpeting.

“Call this number, 6587,” Jigen waited for the beeps, “777,” another few beeps, “3132.”

The ring of the call filled the air of the van as they pulled onto the highway. A voice answered.

“Tell ‘em to come to 105 Parkway Road.” Jigen pulled into the fast lane weaving between trucks being careful not to cut too many people off. He chanced another glance to the rearview mirror. “Case of 1st degree burns. A gash in the side. Fujiko? Fujiko, I need you to tell the doctor the rest. I can’t see from here. I don’t know what happened.”

Fujiko was hunched over with Lupin pressed against her chest, and her voice came out steady despite the trembling of her arms. “Knife wound about 5 centimeters deep probably causing a punctured lung. 1st degree burns on the left arm and neck. One slug in the shoulder by a heckler and kloch p7. Right calf, no exit wound. Right collar bone, no exit wound.”

Jigen waited until Fujiko seemed to be finished and continued, “Blood type B negative. Goemon?”

“Blood type A positive,” Goemon took a breath, “Second patient, 1st degree burns on his back. Deep cut in the back of the right thigh. Second cut on the left shoulder blade. Stitches required.”

Jigen nodded, “Fujiko?”

“I’m fine.”

She wasn’t but Jigen wasn’t going to push. He couldn’t with his mind trying to fill space up with white noise as he pulled into the driveway of the one floor house dropped in the grassy fielded countryside. The doctor was already there. A stout woman with her hair pulled back in a high bun and a pair of glasses sitting on her humped nose stood by the door holding two suitcases. One big, one small.

Jigen opened the door for her and went into the kitchen to move everything off the table. From the moment Lupin was set on the long wooden surface, the rest of the night went on like a blur for Jigen. He wanted to say he’d be able to recall everything he did, but everything only came in glimpses. There was helping set up the IV stand, cleaning metal instruments, stabbing needles into small vials and passing them off, maybe he’d wrapped someone up, he didn’t know who, and next thing he knew he was sitting by Lupin’s bedside staring at the wall above him because he didn’t want to look down. He didn’t want to see Lupin’s wrapped up face and accept the purpling bruises under strips of white cloth.

Fujiko tried pulling him aside to take a shower at some point the next morning, but he didn’t move. And Jigen sat there with dried blood dressing his sleeves, chain-smoking, drinking whatever contents of glasses that’d been set on the bedside table at intervals for the next 19 hours.

Goemon forcibly removed him at one point, and he washed as quickly as he could to get back to his seat which Fujiko was occupying.  _ This is your fault _ , he thought. Lupin knew Fujiko would…he knew, he was happy for it even and she was there and Lupin was- Jigen’s train of thought came to a pause when he felt a gentle hand on his elbow. Fujiko helped him back to his seat. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair to blame her when Lupin had already been sick for a very long time.

Another day or so passed of the same routine when Jigen heard a faint groan from the mattress.

"Not again," Lupin said as he opened and closed his visible eye. "Please not again."

The first time he’d heard Lupin utter those words Jigen blamed the weakness in his voice on the injuries or night terrors. Hearing it again, when Lupin was laying in a bed under blankets big enough to swallow him up, it was all Jigen could do but hold Lupin’s hand and give it a firm squeeze. He wanted to beg the darkness disquieting the air with uncertainty not to take Lupin away from him, to not leave Jigen alone, but it wouldn’t have fixed anything.

“I’m here,” Jigen said.

He watched Lupin’s breathing grow steady with sleep.

“I’m here.”


End file.
